In a wafer thin dream..

Wed, 14 Feb 2007 15:54:07 GMT

i had a spontaneous, unprepared, no flowers-no date-no gifts-no grand gesture yet most romantic valentines ever :)
it was just perfect. sakto. steady. stuck lang.

saturday hibernation.

Sat, 27 Jan 2007 16:16:46 GMT

it's been ages since i last blogged. geezzz. i've been too lazy to write and update about my stupid little life. also, i've grown sick of reading my unsubstantial entries. hhoooweeeelll. oh, and due to the controversial, supposedly private turned public post, i kind of lost the interest in checking my lj. waaah. i still cannot believe people, especially my friends, seeing that. everyone, now, misunderstands how i really feel, well except for some. guys, i am NOT inlove. yet? putting together pictures and getting lyrics from some unpopular song doesn't mean i'm head over heels inlove some guy. puhlleazz, friends. you guys should know me when i am telling the truth or not. i am not lying and most of all, i am not a hypocrite. so just believe whatever's coming out of my mouth 'cause this time, i am not denying what's really going on with me. i have no plans of keeping secrets anymore. so there. hehe

it's a saturday night and i am feeling kind of anti-social again. nix in my bedroom sleeping while i am writing nonesense 'cause there's nothing much better to do.

people these days are becoming unhappy due to a common reason. i cannot really say that i know what they feel but i understand what they are goin through. i've felt that in the past that's why i want to be with every single one of them during their depressing days. should i say depressing?

in the other hand, things are going well with me. it's been great, actually. some particular person is giving me reasons to consider being with someone again. (i am not saying that we'll be together. i don't know what'll happen next) yun yon e! i can't believe i'm saying this but waaah. i'm happy :) nothing major is goin on yet but we're just enjoying each others company and the good thing is, i never felt a single drop of him taking advantage of me. in any freaking way. which makes me like him even more. okay, enough.

at the start of the year, i wanted so baddd to become useful and productive. but sadly, i haven't even started anything yet. who ever knows any animal rights/environmental orgs. please lemme know! i also am in the process of putting up a small business. a lot of shit has to be taken care of so i can't start yet. i have to plan a trip to divisoria first to get cloth samples and find that certain fabric i want. well, duh, as if i really know what i'm looking for and as if i'm capable of handling something like that?! my mom has been bugging me to make use of my unprofitable time and make money for myself. but how am i going to do that? although i want to earn my own money and do stuff like that, i am sooo not business minded. this is really pressuring me.

wah, i'm tamad na. it's 12 and for once, i wanna sleep early. i gotta take advantage of this night. i gotta give myself a chance to sleep for atleast 8 hours. ayt, bye. fo shizzle! haha

TUS!!!

Tue, 12 Dec 2006 06:07:21 GMT

Dec.10,06
kiks finally did the grand gesture and asked k-anne the ultimate question last night. ahaha we played our little roles and almost cried watching them kiss while the songers sang "you look wonderful tonight", at the same time, us, hiding in andro's super hoooot rasta van. the signal: hug, and we should go out our cars and surprise k-anne with balloons and flowers and party poppers. haha once again, i spent my weekend in alabang. so feeling south na rin ako? haha. i spent the whole day in ayala, sleeping at ai's place, hanging out in atc, then at chino's, at cuenca bazaar, etc. it's been a while since i last updated this journal, katamad kasi. but i just had to record what had happened last night since i have no pictures. waaah. anyhooo, my little secret was revealed to chino last night in his car. i can't believe i revealed this to another soul. omg my gally geeee. but i know chino won't tell. he's my brotha from anotha motha.

(happy thoughts, happy thoughts)at the gasoline station-chino's place-drin's car.(happy thoughts, happy thoughts) waaaaaah.

ang lakas ng loob ko cause i know nobody knows i have a journal.
but then, sige lang. bring it! continue the asarans, i will never ever admit anything. assume all you want. nobody knows the truth! haha

TUS! TUSALUS!

okay back to my econ papers. work work work!

OMG

Thu, 16 Nov 2006 14:54:24 GMT

karma. it does happen, it's true. OMG. i'm shocked. i don't know what to say.

pro-cras-ti-nate

Wed, 08 Nov 2006 12:09:32 GMT

currently, i'm writing a paper on the Cuban missile crisis yet i can't focus. it's so difficult to think straight and take this paper seriously. i don't know why but it's so friggin hard. it's frustrating because i don't have much time anymore. after this paper i have to study for my foreign policy midterms tom. and what am i doin wasting time writing in this journal?

stalling stalling stalling....

okay, since i am making use of my delaying tactics. i'm gonna share what i have realized last night. Yesterday before goin home, i stayed in school til about 6pm with Ai, andro, and pao. it's kind of bizarre because all we talked about was LOVE. two girls, one boy, and one gay dude talking about love for about 3 hours straight and actually understanding each other. we all had a share of our own thoughts on love blabla, and all three had a chance to share their "love problems". a girl, a queer, and a boy sharing their love lives, while i listen and give advice. geez, it's like the world's way of slapping it into my face: you are ALONE. for those hours i did not blurt out anything about myself being involved with anyone. for the first time, i truly felt and understood what Nina has been telling me. i'm neither dating nor crushing on anyone. there's just noone. noone to crush on and noone to like. will i be not looking at any guy in a different way? or hello will any guy look at me in a different light? WAH. i'm not in lonely mode however, seeing almost everyone i know making progress with their love lives, made me think. am i just being too choosy? is there not one person man enough for me? or is there no man left in this world at all? i know i shouldn't be rushing myself. im still young! but no matter how many times i tell everyone- "i don't need a man", sometimes i just need one. well i do. i sometimes long for one. and even if i constantly tell myself that 'my theory' (its better to have many boy friends that just having one boyfriend-i have a very good explanation for that) will always make me happy, i end up finding myself longing for that one boyfriend who would make me feel that i'm his, his ONLY one. when will that time come? i know it's not my time yet but i can't help but wonder when will it be me?

stalling stalling stalling....

the other day, i was thinking about how i will survive my course. my friend was thinking of transfering and it made me think. why do i have to stay here if this is not really what i want? why will i continue wasting money, time, and energy if in the end, i will not be doing work related to this? wah. bullcrap. im confused.

stalling stalling stalling..............

okay, enough stalling. back to work.

blah.

Sun, 29 Oct 2006 06:10:35 GMT

i'm having one of those asthma attacks. it sucks :s
i'm tired. i can't breathe. i can't talk straight. i even have fever! arghhhh.
smoking, i quit you.

btw, i love leo. watched the departed last night and i fell in love all over again. sigh. :)

hybernation mode

Sat, 28 Oct 2006 12:26:39 GMT

i have been literally going out every weekend and tonight, i shall hide from the world and give myself a break from booze and cigs. i'm gonna have to pass on Cream and Cc's party at the fort. actually, i ddin't really want to go to cream (if it wasn't for ai's offer to get me a ticket for free). i never went to events, it's just not for me. i dont partyyy, anyway and i really dont like to see some of my friends..you know. Although i want to go to Cc's party but unfortunately, i'm sick. i havent been feeling well since thursday. it's a good thing i was able to go to sam's bday last night but going out tonight'll just be too much for me. i'm tired, ssssoooo tired. i shall hybernate.

oh before i sign off, can i just rant?

this person(who was formerly my crush) went to sam's party last night. seriously, i ddin't expect he'd even plan to go there. i soo didn't care of he'd be there or not but people still wont stop teasing me. they just cant believe the fact that i don't have the bit interest in him anymore. isa pa tong si migs, he forced me to accompany him, to pick up that stoic(hahahhaha) at the lobby. anyhoo, ai and i started to really really dislike him. is he like socially inept? arghh. okay, i'll stop now. however i shall conclude: he's totally the guy version of the snakes.

okay, i'm gonna stop thinking bout that, its a waste of time.
tonight i shall lie down, pig out, and watch dvd's wuhoo. i missed this.
i already watched Akeelah and the Bee before dinner. next is V for Vendetta, then the departed, probably? or Malena.

aytie... hybernation na toh.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY,CC!!! i miss you.:D
enjoy cream, friends! :)

Tue, 24 Oct 2006 05:21:41 GMT

SANTINO MIGUEL ALINEA AUDENCIAL
Happy 20th Birthday! :D:D

have a good one. and see you soon, hopefully!
good luck with ahem ;)
mwamwamwa

rip off

Sun, 08 Oct 2006 05:08:47 GMT

dude, are you gay?!

Tue, 03 Oct 2006 12:49:04 GMT

tsss. you are weird. ayoko na sayo (sorta hehe).. but still nakakainis.

yipppeeeedoodledeeee

Sat, 30 Sep 2006 07:17:17 GMT

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw!!! yipppeeeeee! we have electricity again!!!

things are starting to look good these days! it's nothing but i can't help it, i am overjoyed!!!
last night was fun. i cannot believe i went back, i must really like him. ;)

hello?

Tue, 26 Sep 2006 14:47:55 GMT

dude! he's not the mini-version, he's the better version!!!!!!!!!!!!!

stop!

Sun, 24 Sep 2006 17:28:16 GMT

Yes there'r times I've been afraid
And there's no harm in that I pray
Cuz I'm more frightened everyday
Someone will take the hope I have away...

All the times I've given in
You fit me like a second skin
And one by one I will begin
To wear you on the days I'm feeling thin..

You'd better stop, stop, stop
Using me up
You'd better stop
Cuz I've had enough
And I'm ready to forget the reasons
That keep me here

...

i shall avoid you with all my might and power till i get over this.
seriously, i thought you've changed.

Sat, 23 Sep 2006 19:42:50 GMT

i'm sorry but major hangover!!!!! waaaaahhhhhhehehehehhee. panalo! mission SLIGHTLY accomplished! :))

smile

Thu, 21 Sep 2006 11:20:45 GMT

happy happy joy joy! my bacquiran class isn't that bad after all. :) i just realized that i may survive. i like my majors. :)

after school today, i was greatly relieved. i just have to read stuff for eco tom but tomorrow nalang yun, tinatamad pa ko. i shall watch I love lucy. i have 2 seasons of i love lucy. fortunately, my cousine had extra dvds so she just gave them to me. yayyyyness! :D

NIN!

Wed, 20 Sep 2006 18:15:34 GMT

to my thug, soulmate, bestfriend, sister..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!
i love you, dear RONINA!

i got your back, always. never ever forget that!

a few more years 'till we hear your wedding song. :)

*huuuuuuuuuuggg*
mwahnesssss
:*:*:*
loveloveloviedubdub

itago nalang natin siya sa pangalang KEV haha

Tue, 19 Sep 2006 12:42:44 GMT

kind of bald, about 5'10?, he wore shades a while ago.

smiles..

HAHAHA

Ano ba tong pinasukan ko??

Tue, 19 Sep 2006 12:26:02 GMT

my famous line for the day: "ano ba tong pinasukan ko??"

from now on, todo mapipiga na ang utak ko and i'd be scared to death before goin to my tue/thu majors. seriously, i don't know how i let myself get into this. okay, i am exaggerating but i really really don't think i can get through my majors this term, and throughout the coming terms in la salle. start palang ng majors, parang hindi ko na ata kaya. yes, all we do is read read read. it sounds easy, right? i have no problems when it comes to reading. i like to read but i don't like reading things i cannot understand wholeheartedly (or accept to understand wholeheartedly). since the first week of majors, the profs have been intimidating. they seem to be such know-it-alls without mercy. but i may be wrong or just assuming since its just the start of the term and i don't know how they are yet. so lets just wait and see. but as i can see it, i think i'm doomed. preparing for random recitaion every meeting will kill me. okay, mr. trinidad's method was like that and i survived it. But that was because he's the kindest and most considerate among the IS profs and he prolly gave us a chance since we were still froshies (haha) back then. Pero pagmali parin sagot mo, you'll end up standing the whole time in class. this term, it's mr. bacquiran who'll bombard us with analytical questions on the international market system, neoclassical eco, int'l monetary relations, and all those political economy crap i find difficult to comprehend and explain. the older IS majors have been giving us pointers on how to survive the profs and giving us their good lucks. i'm so thankful for that. buti mababait sila, in fairness. but shiiit, i still don't know how i'll survive this? earlier this afternoon, we were studying our asses off just to survive one period of bacquiran because in his morning class, pinalabas niya lahat ng students cause he said he was "spoon feeding" them and cannot tolerate them being unprepared. in fact, the were preprared. some were not able to read and some didn't answer in whole sentences, which made them look unprepared.

my foreign Policy analysis class have been interesting for the past meetings. i like mr. de castro, he never bores me and i follow everything he says. see, i could make it to an 8am class. kala niyo! and it's not because of some reason you think is the reason (hhaha. please, it was just a crush and i'm soo over it.), it's because i really like the class. although mr. de castro gives unpredictable grades, it's okay cause i get to learn from him without pressure. i know i won't fail. well, i hope.

i'm really really scared. i am not kidding this time. i am going to study hard. i cannot fail. i just can't. i kind of promised my mom that i'd make it to dean's list, which i know is impossible at this point but i will still try. wah. alam kong hindi ko kaya but i'll really try.

Papa Jesus, please help me understand IPOLECO and not black out when mr. bacquiran calls my name and asks me those questions. please Kuya Jess, first timer ako. i'm now entering the Interntaional studies world of over-dose coffee nights, airhead mornings, terror profs, tear shedding to desperation, possible delayed to over stay in lasalle years.

okay, kinakabahan ako. i'm really scared. i should have shifted!! parang WALA AKONG ALAM DITO! but i can't anymore cause i want to graduate on time. (but how will i graduate on time if i fail the majors so pareho lang). haaay. whatever. no choice. i just have to love this. "there's no turning back!" hahahaha.

aryt back to history. first quiz tom.. good luck to me!

Sat, 16 Sep 2006 18:38:48 GMT

i had fun today, in fairness.. :)

EMO night with maynard

Sun, 10 Sep 2006 16:27:09 GMT

it all started with this..

link here if it doesnt play: http://youtube.com/watch?v=p57TbQWIfsI

then i saw maynard go online.. so i started pouring how emo i was.. the conversation started with the scene, till it led to our idea about love.

"LOVE=spelled with only 4 letters, but with numerous definitions"- maynarditus

LOVE= what a beautiful word, which can make us feel shitty at times. especially when we're alone. i have no issue about being single. however, sometimes i couldn't help but miss the feeling of being with someone. also, i have never felt this LM before, it's like i feel i'm ready to give love once again. but of course, when will i "know"? how do i know if i know it? (im not making sense but whatever)

mynrd93: gusto natin ma inlove
pero ayaw ng love sa atin
cguro nalamapsan na tyo ng cycle of love
kaya kelangan natin ulit maghintay
(11:11 PM) until it is our turn again
debbie lupango: yes so true
(11:14 PM) one day our time will come

...mynrd93:
Debbie: tps parang bestfrnds kayo
hindi ka na naging sakto deb
bull's eye ka pa
tpos parati kyo magkasma
kahit ano na lang ginagawa nyo
debbie lupango:
hahahha bulls eye! haha
mynrd93:
kahit iniisip mo boring, pero kapag kyong 2 na ang saya na agad
yun nagkukulitan parati!!
debbie lupango
oo kht parang bata kayong dlwa may sariling m undo kayo
oo sakto!
mynrd93
shettttttttttttttttttttttttttt
debbbbb
debbie lupango
tps sasamahan nya ko mgshopping kahit bored na sha
tps bibilhan ko sha ng mga damit
mynrd93:
o0!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! kasi ang importante namn kasma sya
debbie lupango:
awwwwwwwww
mynrd93
tpos yun relationship nyo
bordering on being exclusive at friends
dahil kayong 2 parati magkasama
pero wala naman commitment
pero kayo lang 2 parati
tpos after a long time
debbie lupango
oo!
mynrd93
maiisip nyo pa ng sabay
debbie lupango
na mahal nyo na pala isat isa
woeh haha
mynrd93
kung ano na mangyayari sa relationship nyo
parang you reach a crossroads
tpos yun, lalong magiging deep relationship nyo
Debbie: tps parang bestfrnds kayo
Debbie: na pinapakielaman ko palagi
Debbie: ung aayusin mo buhok nya
Debbie: puputulin ko kuko nya
Debbie: or mgcocomment ako sa damit
Debbie: or hihiram ako ng shirt nya
Debbie: mga ganon
Debbie: or mgpps2 lang kami
the whole time magkakilala tyo
yan ang pinaka saktong nasabi mo
shet
debbie lupango
haha oo
ung mgging deeper
pero dba maynard!!
waaaah
tps ung pgkadeep na ng reltshp nyo
parang tlgang nrerespect ako
mynrd93
unbreakable
debbie lupango
na tipong ndi nya ako mamura
mynrd93
lahat ng gagwin mo, in context sya dahil kasama sya
debbie lupango
oo!

...mynrd93
at kahit gano kaliit decision mo , alam mo na maapektuhan sya
so you'll do your best to make the right choice

...debbie lupango
at ndi lang physical
mynrd93
emotionally
debbie lupango
ung kaht na wasted pareho okay lang..

..mynrd93:
love is like a balancing act. one wrong step and your falling 34 floors down
.....

then, the pictures..

Love, forgotten..

faded moments.. (panalo!)

..
I thought I knew what love was
What did I know?
Those days are gone forever
I should just let them go..

random thoughts

Thu, 07 Sep 2006 10:03:48 GMT

i miss my long hair. i swear, i am goin to grow my hair. i want it black, shiny, and big.

i watched paris-when it sizzles the other night. their acting-- funny. audrey hepburn, so beautiful. respect. :)

before sleeping, i cried. it was baaad. it's brooke and lucas' fault. season 2-when brooke hugged lucas because he let her stay in his room till the end of the sch year because brooke didnt want to move to cali blabla.. remember lucas' face, he was hugging brooke like he didn't want to let her go, seizing and feeling the moment because he loves brooke but they're just friends. damnit! another LM moment. when will a guy hug me like that and wish i was theirs haha what a pathetic thought.

haaay. romance- i miss.

ukay, i need to visit you.

money, i need you.

brain, please work and behave.

eyes, sorry for rubbing you so hard and causing you to swell.

stomach/mouth, stop it! i'm not hungry!

oh, that really gorgeous guy last night- i so dig you. ;) hehe

BEATOT, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! i miss you to bits! mwamwa*lovelovelove!

CLAZY

Thu, 07 Sep 2006 09:16:53 GMT

why can't i separate myself from my bed and this laptop?! i can't, seriously. last night, or rather earlier this morning before going to bed i listed the things i wanted to accomplish today (i love making lists, which aren't much of any use since i'm too lazy haha) but i failed to accomplish all of them. the good thing is, i was able to do most of things listed, which are things to do at home. like ask the driver to bring my EAF to the office, ask the maids to buy my meds, check my dsl connection, and fix my dresser bla bla. well, those aren't really things i have to put effort to. damn, i am so lazy. i hate it. i didn't actually move my body that much. i miss school and having to finish homeworks, papers, reasearch, etc. i feel so useless and spoiled. i know complaining about how i am wouldn't do anything but when i get my ass on this bed and get my hands on this laptop i just can't control and resist it. i am glued to these two wonderful, lazy-prone objects where in i could just spend my entire week on and with. just give me dvds and i'm satisfied.

oh, my blockmates texted me and asked if i could follow in greenhills cause theyre there doing, i dont know, stuff. i would love to go, and i miss them and i have erands to do myself however, again, i can't. i think i have this mental disease of nothing-is-more-important-than-this-laptop-bed-and-dvds syndrome. i just love it here. the room's cold, dark, and cozy. too cozy, in fact that i'm not even talking to people in this house. i am having my own universe, nobody exists, i am the god, i rule this world for as long as someone drags me out of this state. i'm goin a little crazy here. i'm lazy and crazy, lazy+crazy=== clazy!!!!

waaaah!! haha whatta stupid post.

matchpoint hangover

Sat, 02 Sep 2006 11:16:02 GMT

"The man who said "I'd rather be lucky than good" saw deeply into life. People are often afraid to realize how much of an impact luck plays. There are moments in a tennis match where the ball hits the top of the net, and for a split second, remains in mid-air. With a litte luck, the ball goes over, and you win. Or maybe it doesn't, and you lose."

i saw Matchpoint earlier and it knocked in so much sense into me. we say that more of life is under our control but is it really true? not everyone believes and fully relies on luck. a lot of people choose not to believe in it and point out that hard work, faith, accidents, and coincidences map out the twists and turns in our lives. indeed, it is true but with a little luck, what is expected will sometimes be totally twisted. luck is unpredictable. not everyone has them all the time and we can never tell when it'll come to us. sometimes it's good and sometimes it's not just. it may seem unfair but that gives balance to the world where existence and meaning shape human lives. not everyone should be happy and definitely not everyone should be sad.

just like what Christopher Wilton said while talking to the 'dead' Nola Rise and that old lady who lives next to Nola Rise's flat (i forgot her name) "It would be fitting if I were apprehended... and punished. At least there would be some small sign of justice - some small measure of hope for the possibility of meaning."

yes, luck is tricky and actually a bitch at times for some. but what can we do? we can never tell, it's fate. it's always a surprise.

To dream, the impossible dream

Tue, 29 Aug 2006 17:38:24 GMT

I started my search for Fashion schools in Manila and in LA, OC, or Vegas today and i found a number of potential schools besides FIDM in OC or LA. I did not particualrly check the fashion design programes 'cause i have no plans of taking that since i am not creative enough and don't think i have that "flair" in design, which would definitely help me survive in the business though i have the undying love and passion for fashion. I just could not take it anymore, this is what i want. i'm not just going to be a spectator and admire the creations of great designers, frequently acquire into trends, and keep wishing i had the power to purchase, sell, critique, and just be part of the fashion industry. this time, i swear to my soul, i am going to take action and finally do what i want. seriously, for the first time, i am ultimately sure of what feels right and what my blood runs for. it runs for fashion babeh! haha although i am completely torn between merchandising/marketing/product development or journalism. not all fashion schools offer fashion journalism and it's surely not easy to get into that editorial job i dream of. I am not that good, i know that. and there's no money if i dont become successful. i did my research and i could only possibly earn about $50,000 at most. AT MOST, meaning if i end up being this big time fashion journalist/editor-- i know it's impossible. the safest for me is to pursue on the industry's business side. it offers sure shot big money (about $60k-a hundered $, IF successful), travel, position, and possibly my own business, although it doesn't promise me the glamorous life.

my mom and i were talking about it earlier today and it got me excited when she told me to start inquiring into fashion schools here in manila and look up for schools in the US. (she will only allow me in the states :c but it's okay.) however, she kind of changed her mind about me not continuing my stay in La Salle, she's convinced that it's better to finish my course here, which is not really want i want, to be honest. blah! Let's just see what happens, i'm not even sure if this would really push through. *cross fingers

if only i could go to london or paris. akk!
London College of Fashion, Fashion Journalism. waah!!! and of course the city of fashion inspiration, Paris. huhu
someone lend me 2M, please? i wish! :|

This is my quest
To follow that star
No matter how hopeless
No matter how far

To fight for the right
Without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell
For a heavenly cause
!!

Last weekend

Mon, 28 Aug 2006 10:33:37 GMT

last Friday i had inuman with nina, kuya cho and his friends. it's so amazing how small the world is. rAaaRrrr!! (haha inside joke) Sat, luncheon at home with relatives. it was niki, jacki, tito robby, and tita weng's last day :(, then went out during the night. Sunday morning, i barely had time to rest. i swear i couldn't sleep. i was awake till 5 in the morning but it was worth it 'cause i had the chance to say goodbye to tito robby, etc. and when i got back to bed, (oh couch btw, because nina slept over and we slept at the den) i kind of cried. i didn't expect it coming, i'm gonna miss them. i know i don't show it, but i love them. waah! :s then Sunday, we had real good Filipino food by the Manila bay. afterwards, i watched Super Ex-girlfriend with my sisters. and when we got home from greenhills, they went home.

the house was full a month ago and now, it's back to it's quiet state. it's really sad when people leave. especially when you're with them for a while and you know they have to go afterwards. owell owell. ima see you guys next year! or next summer? hopefully!

oh, yesterday was chollo's birthday!!

happy birthday my baby boy!! mommy loves you!!!!!