it's been ages since i last blogged. geezzz. i've been too lazy to write and update about my stupid little life. also, i've grown sick of reading my unsubstantial entries. hhoooweeeelll. oh, and due to the controversial, supposedly private turned public post, i kind of lost the interest in checking my lj. waaah. i still cannot believe people, especially my friends, seeing that. everyone, now, misunderstands how i really feel, well except for some. guys, i am NOT inlove. yet? putting together pictures and getting lyrics from some unpopular song doesn't mean i'm head over heels inlove some guy. puhlleazz, friends. you guys should know me when i am telling the truth or not. i am not lying and most of all, i am not a hypocrite. so just believe whatever's coming out of my mouth 'cause this time, i am not denying what's really going on with me. i have no plans of keeping secrets anymore. so there. hehe

it's a saturday night and i am feeling kind of anti-social again. nix in my bedroom sleeping while i am writing nonesense 'cause there's nothing much better to do.

people these days are becoming unhappy due to a common reason. i cannot really say that i know what they feel but i understand what they are goin through. i've felt that in the past that's why i want to be with every single one of them during their depressing days. should i say depressing?

in the other hand, things are going well with me. it's been great, actually. some particular person is giving me reasons to consider being with someone again. (i am not saying that we'll be together. i don't know what'll happen next) yun yon e! i can't believe i'm saying this but waaah. i'm happy :) nothing major is goin on yet but we're just enjoying each others company and the good thing is, i never felt a single drop of him taking advantage of me. in any freaking way. which makes me like him even more. okay, enough.

at the start of the year, i wanted so baddd to become useful and productive. but sadly, i haven't even started anything yet. who ever knows any animal rights/environmental orgs. please lemme know!  i also am in the process of putting up a small business. a lot of shit has to be taken care of so i can't start yet. i have to plan a trip to divisoria first to get  cloth samples and find that certain fabric i want. well, duh, as if i really know what i'm looking for and as if i'm capable of handling something like that?! my mom has been bugging me to make use of my unprofitable time and make money for myself. but how am i going to do that? although i want to earn my own money and do stuff like that, i am sooo not business minded. this is really pressuring me.

wah, i'm tamad na. it's 12 and for once, i wanna sleep early. i gotta take advantage of this night. i gotta give myself a chance to sleep for atleast 8 hours. ayt, bye. fo shizzle! haha

Dec.10,06
kiks finally did the grand gesture and asked k-anne the ultimate question last night. ahaha we played our little roles and almost cried watching them kiss while the songers sang "you look wonderful tonight", at the same time, us, hiding in andro's super hoooot rasta van. the signal: hug, and we should go out our cars and surprise k-anne with balloons and flowers and party poppers. haha once again, i spent my weekend in alabang. so feeling south na rin ako? haha. i spent the whole day in ayala, sleeping at ai's place, hanging out in atc, then at chino's, at cuenca bazaar, etc. it's been a while since i last updated this journal, katamad kasi. but i just had to record what had happened last night since i have no pictures. waaah. anyhooo, my little secret was revealed to chino last night in his car. i can't believe i revealed this to another soul. omg my gally geeee. but i know chino won't tell. he's my brotha from anotha motha.

(happy thoughts, happy thoughts)at the gasoline station-chino's place-drin's car.(happy thoughts, happy thoughts) waaaaaah.

ang lakas ng loob ko cause i know nobody knows i have a journal.
but then, sige lang. bring it! continue the asarans, i will never ever admit anything. assume all you want. nobody knows the truth! haha

TUS! TUSALUS!

okay back to my econ papers. work work work!

karma. it does happen, it's true. OMG. i'm shocked. i don't know what to say.

currently, i'm writing a paper on the Cuban missile crisis yet i can't focus. it's so difficult to think straight and take this paper seriously. i don't know why but it's so friggin hard. it's frustrating because i don't have much time anymore. after this paper i have to study for my foreign policy midterms tom. and what am i doin wasting time writing in this journal?

stalling stalling stalling....

okay, since i am making use of my delaying tactics. i'm gonna share what i have realized last night. Yesterday before goin home, i stayed in school til about 6pm with Ai, andro, and pao. it's kind of bizarre because all we talked about was LOVE. two girls, one boy, and one gay dude talking about love for about 3 hours straight and actually understanding each other. we all had a share of our own thoughts on love blabla, and all three had a chance to share their "love problems". a girl, a queer, and a boy sharing their love lives, while i listen and give advice. geez, it's like the world's way of slapping it into my face: you are ALONE. for those hours i did not blurt out anything about myself being involved with anyone. for the first time, i truly felt and understood what Nina has been telling me. i'm neither dating nor crushing on anyone. there's just noone. noone to crush on and noone to like. will i be not looking at any guy in a different way? or hello will any guy look at me in a different light? WAH. i'm not in lonely mode however, seeing almost everyone i know making progress with their love lives, made me think. am i just being too choosy? is there not one person man enough for me? or is there no man left in this world at all? i know i shouldn't be rushing myself. im still young! but no matter how many times i tell everyone- "i don't need a man", sometimes i just need one. well i do. i sometimes long for one. and even if i constantly tell myself that 'my theory' (its better to have many boy friends that just having one boyfriend-i have a very good explanation for that) will always make me happy, i end up finding myself longing for that one boyfriend who would make me feel that i'm his, his ONLY one. when will that time come? i know it's not my time yet but i can't help but wonder when will it be me?

stalling stalling stalling....

the other day, i was thinking about how i will survive my course. my friend was thinking of transfering and it made me think. why do i have to stay here if this is not really what i want? why will i continue wasting money, time, and energy if in the end, i will not be doing work related to this? wah. bullcrap. im confused.

stalling stalling stalling..............

okay, enough stalling. back to work.

i'm having one of those asthma attacks. it sucks :s
i'm tired. i can't breathe. i can't talk straight. i even have fever! arghhhh.
smoking, i quit you.

btw, i love leo. watched the departed last night and i fell in love all over again. sigh. :)

i have been literally going out every weekend and tonight, i shall hide from the world and give myself a break from booze and cigs. i'm gonna have to pass on Cream and Cc's party at the fort. actually, i ddin't really want to go to cream (if it wasn't for ai's offer to get me a ticket for free). i never went to events, it's just not for me. i dont partyyy, anyway and i really dont like to see some of my friends..you know. Although i want to go to Cc's party but unfortunately, i'm sick. i havent been feeling well since thursday. it's a good thing i was able to go to sam's bday last night but going out tonight'll just be too much for me. i'm tired, ssssoooo tired. i shall hybernate.

oh before i sign off, can i just rant?

this person(who was formerly my crush) went to sam's party last night. seriously, i ddin't expect he'd even plan to go there. i soo didn't care of he'd be there or not but people still wont stop teasing me. they just cant believe the fact that i don't have the bit interest in him anymore. isa pa tong si migs, he forced me to accompany him, to pick up that stoic(hahahhaha) at the lobby. anyhoo, ai and i started to really really dislike him. is he like socially inept? arghh. okay, i'll stop now. however i shall conclude: he's totally the guy version of the snakes.

okay, i'm gonna stop thinking bout that, its a waste of time.
tonight i shall lie down, pig out, and watch dvd's wuhoo. i missed this.
i already watched Akeelah and the Bee before dinner. next is V for Vendetta, then the departed, probably? or Malena.

aytie... hybernation na toh.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY,CC!!! i miss you.:D
enjoy cream, friends! :)